New
Year’s Day 2018
Totems
Wasting
a crossover’s potential
"Untitled”
Written – Tom Peyer
Illustrators – Duncan
Fegredo, Richard Case, and Dean Ormston
Letters – Ellie de Ville
Color and Separation –
Alex Sinclair
Editor-in-chief – Jenette
Kahn
February 2000
We
are back to start the new year with a second helping of Vertigo’s fifth week V2K
event books. This time our targets are the characters of Vertigo’s ongoing
universe back in 1999. Those individuals being Animal Man, Swamp Thing, John
Constantine, Shade the Changing Man, and Robot Man of the Doom Patrol. Notice
that Sandman and Timothy Hunter from The Books of Magic are not included, so
there are a few folks in “DC Mature” sitting this one out.
And
with good reason.
Time’s
a wasting so how about we sift through this mess that Tom Peyer cobbled together.
Peyer worked as editor at one time or another on all of these titles, so you’d
think this book would meld together into a good story. You’d think that, but
you’d be wrong.
The core of any muli-hero story is to get these characters together in an
organic way that illustrates their relationships and then provide them with an
obstacle for them to overcome that would challenge them individually, thus
creating the need for a temporary “team-up”.
Simple,
right?
Peyer
fumbles around with that ball quite a bit, missing the initial catch with a
why-are-they-here ham-fisted party invite. Then he continues to bobble the ball
while running the field toward a touchdown with a plot that you think is
leading somewhere only for it to end up being nonsense. The characters create
the menace and then quickly dispose of the menace, leaving an ending that feels
like Peyer finally got a firm grasp on the pigskin right as he entered the end
zone only to find it was the opposing team's.
Sorry
about that. One of my readers said I don’t use enough sport analogies and he
had trouble keeping up. I hope that helped.
Anywho!
We open with a “wall of weird” newspaper clippings featuring our cast of
characters minus Constantine. In the bottom right is a family photo of a couple
with an pre-teen girl child. Quick word about the art throughout – not certain
which artist of the trio is responsible for what pages, but the art in this is
decent. The story on the other hand...
We
next move to a divorcee breaking into to his ex’s house on the morning of
January 1, 2000. This is Bernie Madden, the central character of our story and
this is also our wrapper around which the events of the previous evening will
be told. We need to like Bernie for the story to work, and unfortunately that’s
Peyer’s first problem.
Bernie,
as presented, isn’t really a likeable character. Aside from the immoral
implications of breaking into his ex’s house, Bernie is also the collector of
all those news clippings. This implies he struggles to come to grips with the elements
in DC’s mature take on their main universe. His concern is supposed to be our
concern, but we’re never really shown enough about Bernie’s journey to feel
sympathy for him or grow to understand him as a character.
And
sure, he may check in to see his kid is okay…
…but
he’s doing it right before threatening his wife and her new boyfriend with a gun. So,
not much sympathy for him from this reader’s perspective. The book presents a
moral conundrum and asks that you suspend judgement of this character until you
have all the facts surrounding his decent to this act of waving a lethal weapon
around…and then produces only a story that doesn’t redeem the character at all.
He
begins trying to sell this to us via a flashback to the prior night. Cue up New
Year’s Eve 1999, with the intro being that all of the crazy conspiracy nut theories
came true…
This
page introduces our main characters. Zatanna has a couple of walk on lines
later on, so she gets some face time with the camera here. And here we have
Bernie working as a waiter at this off-the-scale weird New Year’s Eve party
somewhere atop New York’s Times Square.
Bernie’s
loving it because he gets to rub elbows with the objects of he conspiracy nut
theories. We, the audience, should love it because it shows interactions
between this diverse set of characters. For both of us however, things are a
bit … not as we expected.
On
Bernie’s side, he is saddled with a drunk off his ass John Constantine. On our
side, we aren’t given a real good reason why
all these characters are together. I mean, Cliff Steele shows up because he’s
looking to connect with a less weird crowd than the current team making up the
Doom Patrol, and that makes a good deal of sense.
But
Buddy Baker? Animal Man? He’s a family man. Why is he at some high-class
shindig without the Misses and the kids? It’s out of character to say the least,
and unfortunately that breaks my suspension of disbelief. Not JUST that Buddy’s
there, but that the writer didn’t come up with a good enough reason for all of
the characters to gather. John Constantine supposedly won a huge purse off the Kentucky
Derby and used the proceeds to bankroll this party inviting half his
supernatural buddies. I don’t buy it.
But
you see everyone has to be there so this waiter, Bernie, can tell them his
freaked out story of all the things he feels are lining up for the stroke of
midnight and the coming of the new year.
And
while Black Orchid makes John start puking his guts out with a whiff of her pheromones,
Bernie makes friends with Rac Shade, which is fine given that both of them are
off their rockers.
Constantine
passes out just a Swamp Thing joins the crowd and that’s when things get really
messy. Because Bernie goes to work on the muck monster with his crazy ideas…
…and
everyone ignores Shade talking sense. They attempt to use their powers together
to look at the state of the world. Unfortunately, worried that they will see
something he would need to combat, Shade sneaks a touch too adding the power of
his Madness Vest along with Bernie’s actual
madness…
…with
rather explosive results.
As
the countdown approaches, Bernie looks from hero to hero for confirmation that
all this wild, crazy stuff is about to happen, but no one believes him anymore.
But
Bernie does. As he points out what the new year’s bell has tolled for, we swap
back to New Year’s Day and his captives. He doesn’t let them see for themselves
what awaits them outside. Sara and her new lover get into a fight over Bernie
being this unstable. Sara defends herself by stating he never accomplished
anything so how could she have known he might go this crazy. Bernie does a bit
of soul searching when accused of not loving his daughter, not being there for
her.
And
Sara’s remembrances of how horrid it was to go shopping with him dazed out of skull
dreaming of UFO’s instead of taking care of his family are the last straw for
her. She weeps openly while Bernie continues on with his end-of-the-world
story.
…which
turns out to be a real doozy. You’ve got nature overrunning the entire city
and alien pyramids mixing with giant space bees in an environment that clearly
isn’t going to be hospitable to modern society. The heroes are horrified by all
this, but not Bernie. Oh no, Bernie is freaking ecstatic to see all of his doom
and gloom tales come true.
As
the heroes rush out to confront the dangers and save people Swamp Thing gets
the idea that Bernie appears too happy at all this.
Alec
gives him a telepathic spore, but before it can take effect Shade an the others
pull him along with them since he seems somehow involved. Though the link,
Bernie sees all the trouble that’s brewing around the world and watches as
Swamp Thing becomes poisoned by the events that have suddenly popped into
existence. He notifies Black Orchid and the heroes spring into action to find
Alec and save him.
Robotman
is caught between cultists, aliens and laser wielding ancient Egyptians. The
first blows of the conflict cost Cliff his arm.
One
of the jumbotrons shows that Congress has voted to end all life on Earth,
including the population of the United States. Rioters appear as do secret
advance-tech police who try to capture everyone. Animal Man and Orchid race to
find Swamp Thing. It’s all a bloody mess.
To
save time I'll sum up the next few pages: When Buddy and Orchid do find Alec, he’s too weak to
move. The environment has turned lethal to large parts of the green and his connection
is killing him. Buddy comes up with the idea that the overgrowing plants in the
area must be immune as are the animals and that if Orchid and Swamp Thing bond once
more, Alec can hitch a ride out of his dying body and into an inoculated one. The
do that thing, but it ends up driving Animal Man crazy because the animals in
the area are full of mind altering chemicals. Orchid is forced to put him under…and
all this is just a silly waste of pages.
Even
this bit where Rac Shade is caught in the flying police people-scooper and he
uses the Madness Vest to absorb everyone around him, becoming a giant police
officer.
While
this silliness is going on, the other three have figured out the puzzle.
And
the last piece is Bernie, a sad, bored loser so desperate for a change in his
dull existence that he longed for a world screwed up by every conceivable conspiracy-nuts
worst nightmares. BERNIE is the villain of the piece. Well, we knew that from
the very first really.
Bernie
takes a gun for self defence…
…and
is promptly nabbed by Cliff and then Buddy. Orchid and Alec arrive in time to
stop Buddy from choking Bernie out and they arrive at a plan to set things
right.
Opposing that plan is Bernie, and he’s mutated into something that literally is
spewing out all of the crazy paranoid fantasies he’s been dreaming of for
years.
That’s
an image I won’t get out of my head for days.
While
Cliff fights off everything single-handed, the other four merge consciousnesses
and set reality back to normal. While they do so, Bernie is still clinging to
the idea that his vision of the world is somehow “growth” and inevitable. What
a nut-job.
Cliff
finds himself alone with Bernie and angrily abandons him. Bernie finds the gun
he once held and that leads us full circle back to his ex and her boyfriend at
gunpoint.
A
glance out the window confirms there is nothing amiss. And then Bernie makes a
confession.
Which
goes over as good as any other empty promise. People never seem to understand
that you don’t ask for a second chance without making a change first. At least
this book gets that part right, even if it is full of silly pointless action
that doesn’t really mean much to the audience. Oh, and Bernie goes to end it
all, as Constantine predicted.
But
even that doesn’t go as expected. And this asskicking? If feel Bernie TOTALLY
deserves it.
Also,
he deserves a ride to the booby hatch in handcuffs in the back of a police cruiser.
Bernie dodges that fate by the mercy of Sara and her boyfriend. Instead he
wakes up bruised and bloodied on Sara’s lawn, incredulous that he pointed a gun
at them with his kid in the room next door. He finds one other thing too.
Instead
of swallowing them, Bernie decides to embrace his mediocre existence, which is
presented as him opening his arms to SaleMart.
That
was exceedingly dumb. And pointless to read. The message that we have to cut
wonder out of our lives, existing solely in the “real world” at all times is so
disenchanting that I wanted to toss the book in the trash.
Sure,
all of us have to “take care of business” and be there for our families and
loved ones. But Bernie’s sudden reversal at the end, while perhaps earned, is
done for the wrong reasons. Bernie doesn’t see the wonder and amazing things
that being a good father and husband can be. He doesn’t find that the joys of
passing on knowledge and sharing the passion of someone else could be more
exciting and rewarding than all of the messed-up conspiracy theories in the entire
world. Not to mention the book kind of advocates that dreaming big is a bad
thing, showing that it will eventually consume a person.
And
the book’s solution? Change just for change’s sake. Which is just as wrong. Life
isn’t about one or the other choices. It’s about balance and finding time to do
a little of everything, not to throw yourself into only one thing. If the latter is
its message, it does a poor job of relating it.
However,
that is my message to each of you this New Year’s Day. Life is out there. And
it IS about balance. About finding that perfect mix of all things in
moderation. Today is the first day of 2018 and if anything, we should all
commit to living a life where we balance out our wishes and goals with those of
our friends and families.
Be good out there, everyone! And Happy New Year’s!
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