Doggone
it! It's hard to dislike this one.
While
I was midway through college, Hasbro repurposed a toy that I'd played with
almost my entire childhood. What am I speaking of?
Capguns.
More
specifically, capgun ammo really. If you are as old as I am, that picture is
sure to twinge some distant memory of the smoky smell of a freshly popped cap. Remember
the little flicker of spark as whatever you were using applied the hammer
action necessary to explode the cap? And that loud crackling bang?
No?
Well HERE is a toy commercial of the COPS in action to help jog your brain.
So
Hasbro was basically repurposing something old in the packaging of something
new, specifically a line of figures in the mold of their popular G.I. Joe
franchise married to a tiny capgun. And even though that wedded bliss was
short-lived, there are still some die-hard fans out there.
COPS
came along six years after Joe's shrunken reintroduction, well before
popularity in that brand flagged in 1994. As for the COPS, it appears they only
lasted out a year or two before they were retired.
Perhaps
they were all let go by Omni Consumer Products?
It's
easy to tell how I could make that mistake, since both Robocop and COPS come
from the future. However their future was a much less dystopian one than Officer Murphy's.
COPS
stood for Central Organization of Police Specialists, "specialist"
meaning they were just like G.I. Joes except they fought crime instead of
terrorism. Each one had special abilities. There was the one from Texas, and the
one who worked the with the robot K-9 unit, and the one that knew how to turn
on a computer, and the one that drove the flying jet cycle, and the one with
the permanent flak suit wielded to his torso and the always present token black
cop and token female cop. Okay, so true fans would call that a gross
overstatement as the series tried hard to parallel the different types of real
life police jobs might exist such as Police Detective, Beat Cop, K-9, Texas
Ranger, Hostage Negotiator, Riot Control, SWAT, Vice Officer…wait! This thing
was a cartoon for kids?
The
story of their assembly…er, not the toys but the characters in the comic, is
that a Special Agent Vess is sent to take down Empire City's crime boss, a guy
by the name of Brandon "Big Boss" Babel. He is injured in a car wreck
caused by Big Boss's henchmen so badly that he is forced to wear a cybernetic
bulletproof torso so he can walk.
Thus
he rounds up a motley band of Joe-types to take down BBBB and his motley
assortment of Cobra-like CROOKS. When the bad guys were about to do something
devious they would shout "Crime's a-wasting" and when the po-po were
about to solve a case they would holler out "It's Crime Fighting
Time!"
You
might term this a complete repackaging of the G.I. Joe formula and I don't think
you'd be too far off. JUST CHECK OUT THE EPISODE INTRO AND CREDIT ROLL ABOVE. At
least you stood a chance to name all these guys. I'm still working my way
through all the first 150 pokemons and I gave up on the Joe's a long time ago.
And
if you want more, It looks like MANY OF THE EPISODES FROM THE FIRST SEASON are
available on youtube as well.
There
is as a couple sites dedicated to the action figures, episodes and comic books.
And by couple, I mean I found exactly two and a great Wiki:
As
for the TV series, it surrendered after two seasons with a total of 65 episodes. A
fair run given that the Joes only lasted for 95 episodes over 8 years in its first run. However the COPS
comic book barely spat out 15 issues, in contrast to Joe's ongoing over at Marvel
lasting 155 before shuttling off to yet a different comic company.
Which
is a shame, as writer Doug Moench and the rotating talents of Pat Broderick,
Pablo Marcos, Alan Kupperberg and Robert Campanella pulled off a fair degree of
maturity out of material that could easily have been just as juvenile as the
toys that spawned it.
Instead
we get something close to what Bill Mantlo was able to pull off with Rom and
Micronauts. Moench has worked on so many books that they would astound you.
What might be relevant was his period as the scribe for Batman and Detective
Comics for four years and he perhaps leveraged some of those crime fighting muscles in
crafting these crime fighting tales. For this issue he teamed up with Pat
Broderick, his co-conspirator on the Lords of the Ultrarealm miniseries. We'll
get to that one later.
But
this issue starts off with what feels like a very standard cartoonish beginning.
In this case, K-9 unit Blitz and his human companion Bowser on patrol when bad
guy Rock Krusher does a smash and grab in the area.
Using future tech, the good
guy and robo-dog track the bad guy to a warehouse.
Bowser
tells Blitz to stay behind…
….but
the robot dog decides otherwise…
…which
is a shame, as the Krusher arms his exploding spiked mace and…
…Blitz,
the heroic robot dog blocks the blast from hurting its master, while
simultaneously getting blown to bits in the process.
Kind
of a shocking start but one you figure won't take too long in coming to a
resolution. However, Moench uses the injury of a trusted colleague to craft a
more than decent tale that digs into the background of Bowser as well as his
relationship with his fellow officers.
I
was impressed with the mature manner in which all this was handled. Bowser
returns to COPS headquarters with the broken pieces of Blitz and techs begin
working on the K-9. However, the prognosis is not good. Again we start off kind
of cartoonishly silly, with his fellow officers sharing tales of Blitz's
exploits.
These
are classic Broderick panels, and I recognized his hand in them almost
immediately. I read all his Captain Atom work done after the character was
introduced into the DCU and became a fan of his pencils. He doesn't create
flashy or glitzy layouts and relies heavily on shading to produce the depth of his
character's facial features. It is a much more realistic tone than a straight
transfer of character art from the TV show. By way of example, notice how much
more effort is put into the art above than say something Marvel threw into their He
Man or other Star comics line.
As
for who these guys are: that first panel is Bulletproof, the special agent who
formed the COPS. The second is Long Arm, the beat cop with the handcuff
grappling hook thing, Then we have Highway, the Motocycle Officer and Mace, the
powerhouse SWAT guy both in one panel. Next is Hardtop, the Patrol and Pursuit
Officer. Coming in last is Sundown, the Texas Ranger stand in.
There's
some planning going into differentiating the characters here, but I don't
detect a lot of minorities. I mean, sure the leader Bulletproof is a black guy,
but where are all the Asians and Latinos? Seems a bit too white and that's
coming from a white guy. Let's just go with it for now.
And
this is where the book veers into territory that will make every animal lover
crushed and is clearly not made with a pre-teen in mind. The gist here is that
Blitz might not make it, with the clear understanding of how hard it will hit
Bowser. I think the only one playing to the under twelve set is Sundown,
because we don't use puns when we are being serious young man.
And
while the techs survey the extensive damage done to the 'bot, Bowser looks on
in horror. It is kind of striking that this seems kind of true to life even if
it were a real dog in the real world. We envision vets as being methodical and
not getting personally involved, remaining a bit professionally detached. Here
we have that summed up perfectly.
But
Bowser. Bowser is plenty affected. We veer into his flashback to determine why
and uncover a heart wrenching story of his first pet.
It
starts with Mainframe (the blonde female) covering up how bad the techs
findings are to spare Bowser the bad news. And that news, by the way, is pretty
dire. Blitz's chance of survival is less than ten percent.
Mainframe doesn't let on and attempts to give comfort to Bowser, encouraging him to unload his feelings. Bowser responds by telling her of his first real dog. Get out your tissues, folks.
Broderick
gets a chance to shine here, as Moench weaves a boy-and-his-pooch tale that
fills the emotional bases…
And
then knocks one all the way out of the park.
But
we aren't. And the rug gets pulled out from under us in that all too familiar way
that life has of unexpectedly breaking our hearts.
It
is handled extremely well and while reading this I forgot about the toy tie-ins
and the animated series with all the silly catch phrases and really began to invest
in this character as a person. I don't have more issues of these, but if I see them,
I'm snatching them up. There's great plotting and story going on here. This
isn't just throwing bad guys at good guys to earn a paycheck. There is an
emotional core to this that elevates the material above its intended genre.
With
that emotional weight tugging at our insides we have an investiture in this
struggle now that goes beyond wanting to see two guys punch each other. Now
Moench picks that thread and pulls us into Bowser's head a little more. He
tricks Mainframe into leaving and accesses the computer. Once the truth is
revealed, Bowser knows he has to do something to take this threat off the
street for good.
As
Mainframe comes back to find that she might have been duped, Bowser has
departed in search of the hideout of Krusher's weapons supplier.
While Bowser walks the meaner streets of Empire City, the techs put the final pieces of Blitz together…
…and
Doctor Percival Cranial (A/K/A Doctor Badvibes), Big Boss's ever present deranged
mad scientist, has recreated Krusher's exploding mace. The henchman is just
taking delivery as Bowser approaches their hideout and we can sense a showdown
in the making.
Bowser
id's Krusher's voice and bursts in on the two.
Bowser
is at a disadvantage as far as power, but has speed on his side. At least he
does until Krusher drops a bookcase on him, pinning him to the floor.
Meanwhile
the docs are astounded at Blitz's recovery. However they are more astonished as
the robo-dog goes into immediate alert mode and leaves the facility. He is
missing crucial component though, his battery pack.
Highway
encounters the runaway pup and the tech who is pursuing him while patrolling on
his jet cycle. He picks up the scientist and they chase after the determined
Blitz.
In
the lair of Doctor Badvibes things have gone from bad to worse with Krusher mercilessly
attempting to kill the pinned Bowser. A bit of luck and Bowser pins Krusher's
new mace, however and in his grief threatens both of them with destruction. If
Krusher releases the chain from his wrist, Bowser pulls the pin. This leads to
a heavy stand-off just as Blitz with Highway hot on is tail are making their
way to the lab.
But
it appears they will arrive too late, as a suicidal Bowser is determined to
avenge the seeming death of his partner, by any means necessary. Krusher calls
his bluff and Bowser pulls the pin.
He
solo takes down Krusher and then works on freeing his partner.
Sadly there just isn't time. So Blitz does the only thing he can: he flings the explosive away while shielding Bowser from the blast. Again.
Sadly there just isn't time. So Blitz does the only thing he can: he flings the explosive away while shielding Bowser from the blast. Again.
I
was ready for a suckerpunch here. I was ready for Blitz to be a goner. For him
to take that big sleep. This book got me. It got me right in the place where I
live. But in an odd twist, Blitz turned out to be okay. His battery just ran
out at the end.
And
with that as our wrap up, the issue ends.
So
the COPS tv show didn't last more than two seasons and the toys are long gone
with no chance of returning anytime soon. There's not a huge call for a revival
of any sort and I don't expect to see one. But these issues still float around
used bookstores and discount bins, and I think you'll find that the insides are
much better than you'd expect. I encourage you to buy any you come across.
I agree Micheal...there really was something there with C.O.P.S. It was well done on screen..on the page as well as in the toybox! Sad this one didnt have great legs to stand on..given the right exposure this one had a chance.
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