Some
random Wonder Woman books, Part 2:
Wonder
Woman battles Superman
Unfulfilling,
poorly drawn and insulting
"A Tale of Two
Satellites!"
Script – Steven
Englehart
Pencils – Dick Dillin
Inks – Frank McLaughlin
Colors – Anthony Tollin
Editor – Julius Schwartz
Managing Editor – Joe
Orlando
June 1977
Sadly
the very same month that the Wonder Woman story I just gushed about was
published, this turd of a JLA story featuring Wonder Woman debuted after having
been cobbled together by one of my least favorite story writers.
I
am NOT a fan of Steve Englehart. He may be a great guy, but I have seldom read
an enjoyable story with his name on the title page. This one is no exception
either.
It
is a mess and features so many "nails on chalkboard" moments that it
almost seems to step back and spit in the very eyes of Wonder Woman's more
feminist creators. The book contains twice the number of pages as a regular
comic of the day, so let's jump in before my time is up. We begin with Superman
confronting Wonder Woman over how she appears on edge lately.
To
which she flies off the handle and blames the other JLA'ers for ganging up on
her. It's like she's on double-secret probation or something. Supes mansplains
it as a "woman's lib thing," which suddenly has me actively hoping
these two kick each other's teeth in for both being so childish. Instead…
Wonder
Woman quits and teleports back to someplace that looks like New Jersey. While
there she hears sounds of a clash and happens to spy Posion Ivy and Scarecrow
leaving the scene of a bank robbery with a third guy in pursuit that she
doesn't recognize. So she attacks…
…the
guy she's never seen before, who happens to be Mark Shaw, Manhunter, now Mark
Shaw, Privateer. We met Mark back when I reviewed the Suicide Squad issue
featuring the Millennium crossover. How dumb is it that Wonder Woman just lets
the known criminals walk away? Well, the "story" tries to explain
that away in just a bit.
Then Wonder Woman does something VERY unlike herself. She blames herself and acts like she has no self-confidence. I
don't like this. Not one bit. I'm used to a capable and strong Wonder Woman.
This isn't like her.
The
source of these frustrations start counting their ill-gotten loot and reminisce
about how good they had it when they were in the Injustice Gang. After a few
moments of back and forth, Ivy and Scarecrow decide to head for the old
Injustice Gang satellite to hide out for a time.
While
his enemies go to ground, Batman grills the two heroes Wonder Woman accused of
being most on her case. Both Barry and Ollie appear to act the part of children
caught with their hands in the cookie jar, blaming Diana for all the trouble
because of her stuck-up attitude. It is embarrassing to see the heroes acting
like this when the villains had two pages of working so well together. Feel
like I am rooting for the wrong side.
I
thought the league bickering like children didn't start until Giffen's run.
Guess I don't know the old league.
So
everyone splits up, but not in the usual "we have three things to guard at
one time so everyone join a team so the writers don’t have that hard of a time
balancing out what Aquaman will do" kind of split. No, this more of
"I can't stand to look at any of you right now" kind of split.
Superman
gets all mopey after everyone is gone, bending one of Batman's ears.
Meanwhile,
Wonder Woman is dining with Privateer when she suddenly gets all touchy…
I'm
going to spoil it for you: mind control. She is supposed to be mind controlled
in all this, however Englehart has done such a botch job on the writing that
everyone appears to do things for no readily apparent reason. But yeah, she's
literally not herself. We will find out who is doing it in just a few. But
first she attacks Mark again.
Punches
him off a building to be exact. That's not very nice. Shaw survives this
without being injured, by the way. I know all of you were so worried about him.
And
here is where we get the idea that Wonder Woman is under mental attack, as she
zooms away, she has a fit and flies herself into a building.
She
passes out in an alley way and wakes up with zombie eyes to wander off to a
secret teleporter that ISN'T the JLA's.
Mark
Shaw bumps into Batman while looking for the hidden JLA teleporter so he can
report Wonder Woman's strange behavior. They team-up to find her after radioing
a worried Superman.
The
object of their search appears on the Injustice Gang's satellite, to the shock
of Scarecrow and Ivy, who soon come to realize they were mind controlled too.
Meet the villain of our piece, Construct II.
So
basically a glowing pink hologram of a floating toaster. Think about how long we've had evil robots
that live in our machines. This was 1977, folks. We didn't have
"smart" anything back in 1977. Yet we still had the fear that our
appliances would kill us.
Possibly
the lamest villain ever, and he's a sequel, gets Wonder Woman to help plan how
to take down the Justice League. Wonder Woman states that she'll take down
Superman herself.
Briefly
each group of heroes encounters a menace that gets their licks in and suddenly
disappears. Green Lantern, Green Arrow, Flash, and Black Canery run afoul of
Mirror Master, who tricks Green Lantern into knocking out Flash and Green Arrow
into knocking out Green Lantern. Then "poof".
Aquaman
is ice skating with Atom (on his shoulder) when Cronos freezes them both in
their tracks. He straps Ray Palmer to a clock with a razor-sharp second hand
designed to cut the frozen Atom to shreds but before that can happen, he
vanishes too.
Hawkman
and Hawkgirl encounter the Tattooed Man motoring across the lake on a boat. He
attacks them with one of his tattoos and then disappears as well.
Batman
and Mark Shaw follow the tracer Wonder Woman discarded to the building
containing the transporter to the Injustice Gang's satellite. Suddenly Shaw
pushes Batman to the ground as lasers start going off. One quick batarang
later, they are both safe. Batman is troubled because, even with prep time, OMG! He
almost got shot by lasers.
Shaw
has the special power of "hearing switches." *sigh* Okay, let's leave
this one alone for now. Oh! And Batman says no to calling in the Justice
League.
While
all this is occurring, the bout we were promised on the cover begins to unfold.
Mind controlled Wonder Woman arrives at the JLA satellite. She makes nice with
Supes first…
…then
tries to lasso him, but he scoots out from under her magic rope.
Then
the punchfest begins…
…which
is less thrilling than anticpated…
…and
abruptly ends when Wonder Woman threatens innocent lives if Superman doesn't
comply with her wishes. Also Wonder Woman apparently likes boxing. Who knew?
With
Superman helpless against her magic lasso, Wonder Woman contacts Construct II
who tells her…
…but
Superman can see that she is straining to break the mind control.
Meanwhile
the other Leaguers finally start working together (just like the only other
female in the group mentioned they should) and they come to the correct
conclusion that the Injustice Gang has reformed. Wonder Woman is fighting for
control, but not out yet. Her Lasso compels Superman to make a call that will
lead the rest of the League to their doom.
The
League is smarter than that. Tipped off because Superman says "our last
meeting" casually, they use Green Lantern's ring to head for the Injustice
Gang's base. No, that doesn't really make sense. I'm not writing this story
folks, I'm just doing the review. Yes, I know Englehart doesn't always have
understandable character motivations. Anyway…
The
Injustice Gang lies in ambush for the Leaguers arrival.
Suddenly:
You'd
think these guys would get sucked out into space and die…but nope! And the
League has them on the run until Scarecrow uses his fear gas. Luckily Flash
reflects it back on the Injustice Gang.
And
Construct II can't handle the fears of its mind controlled minions bounced back
at it, so it blows up. Or something.
Oh
and Superman and Wonder Woman make up, in the most chauvinistic way possible.
So
the Julius Schwartz cover fooled me into thinking this would be great. Sadly this
was horrid, with odd dialogue, tonal shifts, illogic, poorly drawn panels, and most of all - unlikeable
heroes. Even when they weren't mind controlled. AMAZING to me that this came
out the same month as Wonder Woman #232. I guess with every gem you find, there
has to be an equal number of rocks?
Let's
hope not, for Wonder Woman's sake.
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