Special
Election Issue
Only
in the Archie-verse could Palin and Obama come together
"Campaign Pains,
part one"
Writer
– Alax Simmons
Penciller
– Dan Parent
Inker
– Rich Koslowski
Letterer
– Jack Morelli
Colorist
– Digikore Studios
Editor
/ Editor-in-Chief – Victor Gorelick
President
– Mike Pellerito
February 2011
Given
that the election is just around the corner, I thought it wise to pull these
books about President Barack Obama out and give them a good dusting off. I'm
going to start with this two-part Archie comic that should tickle a few.
Back
when Archie meets the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came out in 1988, I thought
the bland, inoffensive teen romance book would never come up with anything as
strange. Boy was I mistaken.
Archie
comics did some kind of weird hairpin turn after their management shakeup in
2008. They began making the book a bit more relevant by allowing stories that explored
possible futures for characters that had been stuck in permanent stasis for half
a century. Life with Archie saw the Riverdale teen married to Betty or Veronica
in "what if" type tales. They increased diversity by adding in an
ongoing homosexual character. And much weirder stuff was produced with limited
series like Afterlife with Archie, the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, and
issues featuring special guest stars like Kiss, the Ramones, Predator, and
Sharknado.
As
this issue shows, even the vanilla main title got into the act, but don't
expect this to be anything other than an Archie story. That's still the Comic
Code Authority sticker you see in the upper right hand issue number area. What
we have here is a book true to the Archie universe featuring bland out-of-character
cameos by first term United States President Barack Obama and former Alaska
governor/Vice-President nominee Sarah Palin.
It
is odd to see this matchup. Controversy had to have been one of the reasons for
this book's creation. Sarah Palin ran a heated and often-times overly aggressive
campaign while running in her failed bid with John McCain, many times coming at
odds with her own handlers. She had attacked then nominee Obama on issues the
McCain camp did not think areas likely to win voters.
If
that cover art (which is the variant) is to be believed, we are in for a knock-down
drag out confrontation of superhero proportions. But at the end of the day this
is still an Archie magazine. Expecting watered down cameos to go with their
Disney sitcom teen dramedy will pay off in the long run.
I'm
game to get this one started so we begin with a splash-page setting the scene
for our upcoming hijinks.
Archie
has the bug to run for office, however this scene is just him dreaming of being
President. We quickly turn to his abrupt wake up call, being late to the
school's class president debate where he is one of the two students running.
In
a few panels we setup the friendly rivalry between Archie's campaign manager
Veronica and Reggie's handler Trula.
The stage is also set for the Archie to
lose this debate, as Reggie hands him his head with a series of snide personal
remarks.
Beyond
that, Reggie uses a fine bit of double-speak to answer a debate question with
"he would talk to administrators about a problem" in such an eloquent
manner that he is cheered off the stage and out of the auditorium. Archie and
Veronica are left stunned by this and feel their campaign needs a good shot in
the arm. Betty joins them, just in time for one of the lame Archie joke
staples.
There
is a "tacked on" quality to the humor in this book that grates so bad
on the adult sensibilities. Kids would dig it, but everyone above the age of 12
is gonna find lots of groaners and little laughs here.
Given
Archie's wishy-washy image, Veronica concocts a plan to change it. She rushes
off to make preparations in secret while Archie finishes out the school day.
While chilling with Jughead after final period, the issue of his campaign comes
up and he states he only threw his hat into the ring because Veronica made him,
somehow. And it really wasn't even his hat.
Jeeze,
Archie! Grow a pair, man.
Well,
Veronica takes Archie and dresses him in expensive clothes, styles his hair so…that
it looks exactly like it always does, and they board one of her daddy's private
jets.
Their
destination? This Future and Energy Conference and something about improving
his image by getting him seen with "the right people".
Riverdale's
location has never been disclosed to my knowledge, but this interaction places
it firmly in blue state territory.
I
say that because getting seen with Barack Obama in the Deep South where I am
would turn half the voters against you. Because: cultural racism and party loyalty.
It's a thing, ya know. But in the Archie-verse, getting your picture taken with
the President, ANY President, is a magic salve for your campaign ails. Oh, and
how does he actually get seen at an event that none of his class mates (except
his campaign manager) is attending?
Veronica
has a camera in her lip gloss. Good job, secret service.
Archie
is oblivious to all this, of course, because he is too morally upstanding to do
ANYTHING duplicitous. Which speaks a bit to Veronica's character. She WOULD do
this, and while I've always spoken highly of Betty in the past, my thing for
brunettes and this shady, bad-girl vibe moves me firmly, once-and-for-all into
the Veronica camp. Plus all that money her dad has doesn't hurt.
So
while Archie is getting blown up props the next day for no reason he can discern…
…Veronica
decides to clue him in as to why.
Oh
you wicked, sexy bad girl. Why are you chasing after that ginger rube when you
could totally get with this silver fox? Wait! Is she still in High School?
After 50 years? Never mind. I like my women with the ability to get a degree
after half a century at a learning institution.
Obviously
the benefits of a morally compromised girlfriend don't occur to Archie either
as he seems uncomfortable with the idea of being in a photo with the President
shown in a manner that suggests he's been endorsed.
One other
place where this isn't going over well is at the Reggie camp, where plots are
being hatched by Trula to counter this strategy.
The
counter is to have Reggie get into a photo op with Sarah Palin, who also
doesn't know it will be used for political gain. And once publicized it causes
friction between the campaigns…
…and
the student body.
Geeze,
it's just like the Trump/Clinton charged political environment. I was hoping to
get a break from that in my comics reading.
The
conflict gets so out of hand that local news media show up to cover the story
of this wild high school election and the next thing you know they are national
news.
Which
leads directly to this…
Sarah's
so mad, her legs aren't even in panel! And this…
Barack
looks ready to drone strike those kids. All of this is occurring at exactly the
same instant, 'natch. Which means...
"Archie,
you got some 'splaining to do!" Also, the build up here to a knock-down,
drag out fight between these two is so on the nose here. If this happened in
real life there would be HUGE partisan attacks by both parties ending with a
fireball that would destroy Riverdale and all who resided there. Never call
down the fury that is politics. That's why we only speak our party affiliation
in hushed whispers to those who have already given us the secret handshake.
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