A comic
that’s a prequel to a movie everyone wants to forget.
If the image
from the cover of The Warrior of Waverly Street #2 jogs your memory, changes
are high that you were still in school in 1997. WoWS was a working title to the
movie Star Kid starring Joseph
Mazzello, also known as “that kid from Jurassic Park”.
If you need a bit more jogging check out the trailer on imdb here:
Star Kid
didn’t really look like it needed a prequel. It was a fairly straight-forward
ET meets Last Starfighter blend with heavy doses of pre-teen gross-out humor.
But Dark Horse Comics has made a very successful business out of licensing
movie properties for comics. What with the popularity and sales results of
their Star Wars and Aliens/Aliens vs Predator series, it’s easy to see that
they might go a bit overboard when licensing new properties. So we get a two
issue mini-series that introduces the characters for a movie that doesn’t
really need it. Seriously, if you’ve watched the trailer (or the movie for that
matter), what more do you need to know about the two main characters? Spencer
Griffith is a picked-on nerd who reads comics. Cy is an alien created
battlesuit that is sentient and designed to kick bad alien’s butts. There! I
just saved Dark Horse 44+ pages of ink and paper.
Dark Horse
realized this of course and tried to take the story in a different direction.
The comic is split very unevenly into two parts. The smallest part is reserved
for Spencer, following him around in the weeks before finding the Cyborsuit in
the junkyard. We get about 4 pages of him being a geek and getting his teeth
kicked in by the punk who wears his ball cap backwards. The majority of the
book follows Tenris, the lumpy, reptile/Ewok-thing that is the designer of the
Cyborsuit. In the opening few pages, his planet is being systematically
destroyed city by city. Tenris is plotting to escape with his wife. He’s being
approached about continuing work on the cybot, but his answer is a resounding
“NO”.
There is
nothing more exciting in comics than a protracted argument about military contractor’s
rights. And while the preceding three pages have been battle scenes of these
reptile/monkey things fighting against the tree-like Brood warriors, there is a
suspicious absence of real fight scenes for the rest of the book. Next we shift
focus to Spencer for two pages as he starts his first day in school and shows
up the class bully by answering a science question correctly. Silly and quite
unnecessary. The few pages given to Spencer in this book could have been better
used to flesh out the battle with the Brood warriors.
Meanwhile,
our alien contractor has gotten off-planet with wife in tow. Unfortunately for
them, it’s going to be a short trip. No sooner do they reach low orbit then
they are spotted and shot down by a Brood warrior ship.
Yup, that’s a
mighty imposing space ship there. Looks kinda like the “Delta Queen” being
ridden by a Notre Dame gargoyle with two nasty caveman clubs stuck through it.
I’ve got to hand it to the Brood warriors, that is one innovative design for a space
ship. Not really sleek or aerodynamic, but it definitely takes home the prize
for “most original”. Anyway, Tenris’s wife bites it in the crash leading him to
go back to the council. He gives them “one chance” to hire him back. They
accept his offer using the power of the mystic pink pyramid.
“Tenris
demands white women, lots of Shiner Bock and a BLT with plenty of crisp bacon.”
Ok, so he just wants his lab set back up. He gets to work on the Cybot. We get
to see them working on things with Star Trek names like the “cyber-cerebellum”,
“mecha-musculature” and “servo-tendons”. It’s almost enough to give me tingles
in my “techno-testicles”. While Tenris’s first Cybot was a true robot, this one
he designs with an eye for putting someone inside. Someone like a Victoria’s Secret
fashion model or Jessica Alba. NO? Then all his design changes are stupid!
Stupid, I say! Let’s check in on Spencer:
I like comics
and all, but if they were the only friend I had, I’d shoot myself. Sorry
Spence. He gets hit in the head with a tether ball. Meanwhile, Tenris tries out
the Cyborsuit. After hooking himself up as a test pilot, Tenris has success
after success until the suit see a few test dummies and decides on its own to
take them out. Tenris sees the suit as a failure and starts to shut it down for
good.
Nice shout out to the Cthulhu Mythos too, there.
Seems the
Cyborsuit is sentient due to the neural link with Tenris. It was only acting as
it thought he wanted it to. Tenris finds himself hesitant to shut it down.
And that
panel clinches it. Tenris joins forces with the Cyborsuit and they are shown
punching a Brood warrior in the final panel. As for the movie tie-in, the next
page is a movie poster that uses the Warrior of Waverly Street title and the
most goofy cut-n-paste job ever.
So, Star Kid
fans should rush out and snap these two up. Or not. You be the judge.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.