Halloween
2018 Post-A-Day: Day 11
Horror-ible
The
Walking Dead #2
Kirkman
ought to sue…oh, wait…
"Book I, Number 2: Presidental Address”
Writer – Jim Somerville
Art – Jim Somerville
Letterer – Ned Poins
Editor – unlisted
October 1989
Here’s
an oddball thing: Aircel producing a book about the zombie apocalypse featuring
the struggles of a band of survivors against the evil of the undead. It is a
book that doesn’t have Barry Blair’s grubby little paws all over it, too. The book
was also far ahead of its time, doing in 1989 what Rob Kirkman would do in 2003
to great success with pretty much the same concept and book title. And that title is "The Walking Dead."
Sadly,
it was only slated for a four issue arc and did not evolve into an ongoing series.
I deem it a bit of a failure in that regard.
Why did it not catch on? Were audiences not ready for an ongoing mature zombie tale back around the roaring 90’s? I’d say certainly not, as Dead
World pointed out around the same time, this was a concept that would create its
own genre.
To
figure out what the book did wrong, let’s take a dive into this issue. I’m certain
the problem will become very clear in no time at all.
We
begin with a Presidential message being broadcast from behind a barricaded White
House where multitudes of undead mill about. So far, so good.
Next
up is a double-page spread of the White House hemmed in by the undead with some
more inspiring words being bandied about.
Once
inside, we zoom in on the guy making these announcements, a guy I’m going to
call “President Cyclops”. Note the extreme elements that have caused the zombie
outbreak: a leak from a crashed alien spaceship somehow did the deed. Well,
that’s pretty “out there” for a story concept, but not book disqualifying.
As
Mr. President wraps up, the author/artist does one of the whole page deals that
I kind dislike in that it does very little to move the story along and really
serves to waste precious space. This should have been one panel, not an entire
page.
We
have some back and forth with two of President Cyclops’s advisors. These two
are mere cyphers for the opposing viewpoints in how to deal with this crisis.
The general wants to nuke the zombies. The scientist wants to give survivors a
chance. It feels like Somerville is boiling the tale down to only the essential
elements.
A
doctor runs up just then and interrupts the men. President Cyclops’s wife is in
critical condition and asking for him.
Gah!
She looks like an undead already. Quick, kill it with fire! (Also another full
page used on what could have been a single panel.)
The
pair share a tender moment and then the wife begins to convulse. The scene ends
before she passes away, but I think everyone in the audience knows where this
will end up going. She’ll die and…well, maybe that could get interesting. Will
he kill her? Will she kill him? How will the book handle this?
If
we didn’t waste time on so many full page panels maybe we could have found out
this very issue. But no, we’ve wasted half the book's pages to get to here. Now
we switch to the OTHER plotline the book has going, a group of three survivors
holed up in a police station.
I
think that’s a black guy Joe with a cool fade, the token hot chick Kris and a
white guy Max in a wheelchair. Dibs on the wheelchair guy going out first.
They
debate Cyclops’s message for a whole page, which is four panels…
…and
then the author realizes that he hasn’t shown us ANY zombies doing anything but
milling around in the entire book…so he goes completely off the frickin’ rails.
He does this by having the police station act like an earthquake is happening.
A
fourth character Pete shows up and says…
…the
“Kidz From Hell” are attacking. And it takes me a minute to get that these are rival
survivors trying to gain access to the police station for their military grade
hardware to use in a bid for survival against the zombies.
No.
The Kidz From Hell ARE the zombies.
Gang-affiliated,
heavily armed, talking, thinking zombies. Uh…wait, what?
Yeah,
this is too much for me. I’m off this train. Zombies using machine guns and
having names are where I stop. I mean, did they name the gang before or after they turned? And if after, which onf of them knew how to sew the gang affiliation onto all their jackets? Which Zombie did that? This turns it from horror show into
action movie with villains who just have a weird dietary requirement. I mean, they
are no longer zombies at all, in my opinion.
For
the sake of the book and the review, I try to put my judgements aside and see
where this goes. And where it goes is even more batshit crazy, with Somerville
wasting double and single page spreads like he has a hundred pages to fill this
issue and only 12 hours to do it.
Pete
gets holed in all this, which is a shame. Pete, we hardly knew you. Primarily
because of the panel size you weren’t given enough space to say or do anything
that showed us your character. We’ll …probably not miss ya, buddy.
With
Pete dead, Joe goes all Rambo on the zombies…
…and
Max tries to get down the elevator to the van in case they need to bail fast. For
a moment I think he’s not going to make it and then suddenly the elevator doors
open and he’s right at the van.
But
then the Kidz From Hell pull out their big guns (after Joe makes a few heads go
pop). And by big guns, I mean military ordinance that I’m not even sure they
would know how to properly work if they were alive…
…and
with that they KRAFAM the building which leads Joe and team to get off the roof
and head to the van. I though Pete was dead, but somehow he’s still here
walking and talking. More disturbing is the zombies are using tactics and speed
to act…just like people that are alive.
The
humans find Max trapped under some beams and he valiantly sacrifices himself so
they can get to the van.
The
group busts out of the garage and into the awaiting zombie ambush of gunfire…
Max
starts his final stand against the onrushing hoards…
And
Joe decides after scragging a carload full of zeds following them, to make a
very dumb move.
You
just LEFT him. Why didn’t you try saving him while you were there? And that’s
where our issue ends.
Why
isn’t this as popular as Kirkman’s extremely profitable zombie fest? For one
thing, they have made the zombies too human. They walk, they talk, they plan,
they carry out coordinated strikes. They are undead in heartbeat only.
True
zombies are, in my opinion, the type of things that don’t act like us. They
have some of our memories, and may react in some ways partially human, but
mostly are an inhuman and inhumane force of nature. They are a wave of floodwater
that washes people away without malice or anger. They are not personalities,
but are more a symbol of time and age and the uncaring universe ravaging us
without caring it has done so.
This
book doesn’t have zombies. It truly had a “walking dead” that broke the stereotype,
but in such a way that the story wasn’t really something I cared about. Even “Stars
and Stripes” zombie or the gooey one from Return of the Living Dead were more
in line with what a zombie is.
This
just had gangs of people, some alive and some not, shooting at each other. And
that’s not going to get me excited about a zombie book.
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