Boomerangs
vs. Batarangs
"Chaos – Coming and
Going!”
Writer – Len Wein
Penciller – Irv Novick
Inker – Vince Colletta
Colorist – Glynis Wein
Letter - Ben Oda
Editor – Paul Levitz
April 1980
Captain
Boomerang is what I would consider a “failed” villain.
Now
all villains fail, so I better define what I mean by that. Captain Boomerang is
a villain that isn’t menacing, scary, or relevant. When you see him on an
issue’s cover or shown on the splash page, almost immediately feel relieved for
the hero of the book. Look at you, Batman. It is a superhero version of a bye
week in football. He’s not a threat. He never successfully does anything.
But
to really understand the character of Captain Boomerang, you have to know his
backstory:
Captain
Boomerang, or George “Digger” Harkness, is Australian.
So
now with his background out of the way, we can get on to dealing with this
issue. Oh! And when I said he had never done anything successfully I was wrong.
He was killed in Identity Crisis, so I suppose we could state that he
successfully got himself murdered.
For
a time his son took over as Captain Boomerang, but he had actual speed powers and a
personality beyond just an Australian accent. DC said THAT ain’t what audiences
are looking for and erased him from the scene after the Blackest Night event, bringing back the
original.
Digger
is a founding member and staple of the Suicide Squad although I’ve never heard
anyone say he’s their favorite part of the team. Mostly I think he’s the guy we
are all hoping will die, but DC knows if they don’t kill him, we’ll keep buying
the issues in hopes he finally bites it. At least that’s what I’m rooting for,
anyway.
It
has to be his weapon of choice. An arrow, you aim that shit at people. But a
boomerang, you kinda generally throw and hope it somehow connects with
something either coming or going. And while Digger, like Green Arrow and
Hawkeye, loads down his ammo with various special gadgetry effects, there is
always the thought in my head that an exploding boomerang that COMES BACK TO
YOU IF YOU MISS YOUR TARGET has to be the stupidest thing anyone has ever come
up with.
Captain
Boomerang is one of the few villains that could defeat himself in a fight, is
what I’m getting at.
Nothing
proves that more than this stained and dogeared copy of Batman number 322,
pitting the dark knight detective against the guy with the accent and the
L-shaped sticks.
We
begin this tale in quite a different place, however, and with this young woman,
who is quite a piece of tail herself.
Yes,
that’s Selina Kyle. She’s either pining for Batman or pining for her days as
Catwoman or perhaps a little of both. Selina factors into our backstory, setup
for next issue.
Our current issue gets its legs underneath it in the bottom two
thirds of the following page, where we travel across the city of Gotham to an early
morning paper delivery truck making its rounds.
When
suddenly a boomerang cuts the string and messes up the stacks. Yeah, unlike the
wording, the boomerang can’t somehow make the newspaper disappear or something.
If
this is Captain Boomerang’s big villainous act, he’s going to have to try a lot
harder to get me to care.
You
know how you can tell you are failing at being a supervillain? When guys
working in delivery trucks attempt to catch you, that’s how.
The
book allows something stupidly ridiculous to happen just to give Digger a
chance at looking menacing.
Try
that in real life, I DARE you.
And
it looks like the main story in this book is slated for five pages because
there’s Batman which means Digger should just give up.
Except
he puts someone else in danger so he can escape. Because he is a big pussy is
why.
Okay!
That’s it. I give up on this story. Batman is totally going to win. Let’s read
something that might have a bit more excitement in it.
Woah!
Green Arrow is patrolling Star City when one of the skyhook cars breaks free.
What is Ollie going to do?
Crap,
there is no way that can hold for long. I sure hope everyone gets out okay.
Ollie better think of a way to keep them calm.
Mmmmm!
Nothing beats Hostess Fruit Pies. My favorite is cherry. What’s yours?
What
do you mean I have to go back and review the rest of the Batman-Boomerang
issue? I don’t wanna! Please, don’t make me? Please!
FINE!
Batman
goes back to his home, which at this juncture in the o’le Bat-timeline was
downtown at a place called the Wayne Foundation. Keep that nugget tucked away
because it will factor into my upcoming review on issue 3 of the Untold Legend
of the Batman. A book I would MUCH rather be reviewing than this one.
Bat-dis
at Boomerang noted. As Bruce goes to shower, he asks Alfred to find out who
owns the Gotham Guardian as they may be Captain Boomerang’s next target.
Meanwhile,
Selina gets some horrible health news.
My
lawyer informs me that I’ve just violated Selina’s rights under HIPPA so I need
for all of you readers to kindly forget everything you saw in that last page.
Digger
explains why he is in Gotham. He is owed some kind of odd Harry Potter money or
something.
Seems,
he invested in the Gotham Guardian and the stock tanked or something. So he’s
here to collect directly from the owner using THIS:
Yes,
that’s the same giant rocket “space-boomerang” he used on the Flash starting
way back in Flash 117 and again in Flash 124 and possibly every appearance
since because what else has this one trick pony really got? Oh, and it has
never ever worked in ridding him of the Flash.
Selina
visits the museum while Captain Boomerang polishes his “weapon” (no, I mean the
space-boomerang not..”his weapon”), and discovers that the ancient Egyptian
clay pots may store the very herbs she would need to cure herself of…whatever
the heck she has that you were asked by my lawyers to forget you know about.
But,
because she isn’t a criminal anymore she can’t seem to lay a paw on them. That
will soon change.
The
book takes a bit of a racist turn as we meet one of Batman’s many “colorful
street people” who acted as informants for him. This one is code-named Shamrock
because he’s a homeless, drunken Irish bum. Or if you want to use less words:
Irish.
He’s
interrupted by news that the owner of the Guardian is none other than Bruce
Wayne’s current business rival, a man he’s never met named…
At
that very moment, Gregorian and his manservant/bodyguard Karlyle (no relation)
Krugerrand (yes, like the gold coin) are in his penthouse when who should show?
You
were hoping I was going to say anyone other than Captain Boomerang. I know. I
was hoping I was going to say that too. *flips through book* Are there any more
of those exciting Hostess stories in this book? No. Crap.
Anyway,
Digger explains how the stock price of Gregorian messed up his finances.
Gregorian tries to explain how the stock market works to Digger. Stops. Has to
start all over again. Stops AGAIN. Starts up a third time. Realizes from the
glazed look in the Aussie’s eye that he still doesn’t understand that the money
from the stock purchase didn’t go to Gregorian.
Luckily
Batman shows up then.
And
in fighting Digger one of those once in million-billion chances happen.
Oh,
don’t laugh. Your skinny butt had so little to do with that…anyway, now would be
the time to kill Batman. Except this is Captain Boomerang, the guy that doesn’t
understand how things like the stock market work. So instead of killing him…
…he
straps him to an overly elaborate and easily escapable deathtrap…
…which
he sets off…
…only
to then notice that it didn’t contain Batman when leaving the ground.
He
was standing RIGHT there! He watched the damn thing take off and failed to
notice Batman wasn’t on it. How?...you know, I don’t want to know. Please just
let this be over?
All
too quickly, it is over. Mainly because I’d like to see Bats beat Digger to
within an inch of his life for being so lame.
Sadly
we check back in on Selina and her desperation and inability to get help from
Bruce has caused her to turn back to a life of crime. I can’t really say I
blame her. And at least next issue sounds interesting. Let’s hope that when
Batman throws Captain Boomerang in the slammer, he doesn’t come back.
Just want to say you've got an awesome blog going on here! I'm also a conno-sewer of bad comics. I do a blog with a similar plot, but instead of individual issues, I (mostly) review entire runs and mini's. Take a look, if you want. But enough about me. Once again, your blog is great! Really one of the best I've seen in a while.
ReplyDelete