September Sucks: Ex Sanguine #1

Get beyond that nasty cover, there’s a good start to a story

"The Hollow Man”

Script – Joshua Scott Emmons and Tim Seeley

Art – Tim Seeley

Colors – Carlos Badilla

Letters – Joshua Scott Emmons

Designer – Kat Larson

Assistant Editor – Shantel Larocque

Editor – Scott Allie and Daniel Chabon

Publisher – Mike Richardson

October 2010

Looks like I kicked off September Sucks with a bang last time. The idea here is there are a buuuuuunch of vampire books in the crapbox and this will be my once a year clearance on all things that suck. Let’s face it, September has very few things to recommend it, anyway. School starts back up, Summer is typically making Texas feel like ants under a magnifying glass and current events (nukes, ‘canes, and fires) are guarantees that no one is having a good time.

That makes it the perfect time to unload these bad boys before we start into the month of Halloween and my post-a-day horror extravaganza.

Up next for you to sink your teeth into is collaboration between Joshua Scott Emmons (of Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z) and Tim Seeley (Lots of Bat-books, G.I. Joes and other various works). Given this first issue, I’d deem these guys a successful duo, although not having more than the story setup might make that premature. I did like what I got out of the book, an unconventional vampire story that I found intriguing enough to wish for a second issue.

Let us bypass that rather gory cover and get to the pages beyond, shall we?

We start deep in the middle of an ongoing scene. This poor man is strapped to a metal table and is being asked something by a figure in shadow. The figure is using an old school quill to poke holes in the man’s arm and then write something in a journal when he answers. They’ve barely gotten started when we open yet the torturer takes a quick break.

Which allows the victim to get free. But instead of leaving right away, curiosity gets the better of him and the goes back to see what the person was writing.

Which ends up being a fatal mistake for Mr. Alvarez.

I’m eyeing that story hook being dangled quite hungrily at this point. Why is our vampire torturing people? And using a knife? And the info is he/she looking for?

FBI agents Quinn and Franks are thinking the same exact thing. Quinn goes by the book and forces Franks to follow up on all the leads in the neighborhood where the body was dumped, which brings them to this gentleman’s apartment.

Yeah, he seems a might creepy with his “hollow man” internal monologue. And that monologue goes on for a bit as he recounts what looks like ancient history. I’m betting he’s our vampire. Also all this remembering takes a bit to shake out of but when he finally does…

And after giving him an accidental elbow to the midsection, our two agents start to question him. They start by showing him an alleyway in the area that may just be a crime scene.

 

Lots of things going on here at once. Mr. Adams doesn’t want that window open because the sunlight would affect more than the fish, I'm sensing. Mr. Alvarez was our beginning victim, which means he’s dead if the FBI are about. Also implied by the questions and the blood, it appears the killer dumped his body in a nearby alley. Adams apartment location is in the wrong place at the wrong time. At least we think that until Agent Quinn finds the rope and then we aren’t so sure if Adams is involved or not.

Have to stop the action here and state I love this layered approach to releasing all this info. On first read, I didn’t pick up nearly this much of what was going on in the story, but now it makes tons more sense. Coming at any book, even one with vampires, means leaving the door open to be surprised, to allow the writer to subvert the stereotypes as they wish. That means you don’t take things for granted and in this story, that made me wonder if I was really looking at a vampire or something…else. Something close, but not quite. Hang with me a minute and I’ll show you what’s up.

Quinn’s snooping into Adams writing has revealed a detail that tells more of her past than it does of Adams. Appears she was captive of a vampire once. Beyond a few panels, we really don’t get much info on how she escaped or what the resolution of it all was, but the phrase “hollow man” clearly sets her off.

She’s lost in thought as Agent Franks wraps up without giving away that Mr. Alvarez is no longer among the living. As the two end their chat, Quinn is in her memories and when Adams touches her here, she reacts by cursing him out for it.

Adams goes back to his library while Quinn shares her belief that Adams is the killer with Agent Franks.

That evening, we find ourselves at Commonwealth Diner, the place where Henry Alvarez worked. Some regulars discuss Alvarez’s absence and wonder about a possible police cover-up. One speculates that perhaps Alvarez was killed because they were all questioned and wonders if there is some kind of serial killer at work. That perhaps the police are suppressing knowledge of the case so as not to inspire copycats.

At that moment, in the background, in walks Adams. He heads past their table to the diner counter. His regular waitress isn’t covering though and 

we have this neat interaction between him and the new hire.

Although maybe she isn’t all that new of a hire. I see some sparks there too. Too bad he’s a crazed, merciless, vampire…

While Adams contemplates how well he fits in, new blood (ha-ha) wanders in, in the form of Ashley’s recent ex-boyfriend, Toby.

Toby makes like a MAJOR dick, asking why Ashley hasn’t kept in contact (she left you, dude. Move on.) and then threatening to expose something embarrassing if Ashley doesn’t reconsider their relationship. Adam is unfortunately stuck in the middle of this conversation.

And it appears Adams isn’t as meek as we first read him. He purposefully douses the douche-nozzle to get him off Ashley and the diner’s collective backs. It’s a neat little scene. That even while trying to blend in, Adams would knowingly make a spectacle of himself without hesitation says a lot about how self-assured he is.

Not only that, but the tea he has hit him with serves another purpose as well…

Hound-dogging this hoodie-wearing asshole might not have been the best of ideas though as he pulls a revolver on Adams in the first alleyway they come too. Now we get to see who will end up going home and who will end up going to the morgue.

First our lover-boy has Adams empty his pockets, the only contents being the journal we saw him writing in earlier that freaked out the FBI agent so much. After casually tossing it on the ground, Toby goes on to warn Adams that with two killings in the neighborhood, he out to be a little more careful or he’ll wind up dead. Adams informs Toby there have been three murders and that he isn’t here to white knight Ashley. Which means he’s here for a lite snack?...

Adams goes full on vampire, pulling some next level black magic shit by blocking all Toby's bullets. He’s just about to sink his fangs into the guy when Toby gets taken out off panel by an unknown assailant. Guess who?

Wait! What? ASHLEY is the killer? Ashley murders her ex and then goes on to explain that she doesn’t mind what Adams is because she has “a monster inside” too, making her out serial killer who likes to write crazy words in people’s arm blood before murdering them.

This book has taken a hard right turn I did not expect. It also has kind of gotten me hooked into the story premise. Where will this end up going? Will Adams turn her in to save himself? Will they team up? What is Ashley even trying to do with her odd questions and “creative” writing assignments? I’m intrigued with the promise that this might turn out in weird and interesting ways. Great job on a standard vampire tale.

Where we go first is for Ashley to extend an offer of teaming up to get at what she is after. 

 

Adams wants none of it though, as her random murders are chumming the waters for those shark-like law enforcement people who would spell his doom. He pushes her off and warns her to leave. Note that he doesn’t kill her, which would be better at this point giving the police both their suspect and victim, so he has to have been touched a little by something she said. He leaves her in the alley instead.

Ashley does the exact opposite, of course, making the crime scene an even bigger marker pointing to the other recent killings. And the FBI are all over it. 

They appear to have picked up Toby before to ask about the killings, so are familiar with him and his link to the case. But the real clincher is finding a journal tossed aside in the alleyway and forgotten.

Saul meanwhile has been deeply disturbed by his meeting with Ashley and he can’t get her out of his head.

 

Which is a shame, since he’s about to have unexpected company returning some property he lost. Adams looks not long for this world.

Great start to a series. The characters are intriguing and the plot engaging. I was a bit put off by that rather bloody and violent cover, thinking this book wouldn’t have any brains behind it. I’m glad that proved not the case.

I only wish the Crapbox had spit out number two as well, as I’d really like to see where this confrontation on the final page ended up going. Ah well, back to bins for that I suppose.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!, Part VII: The Punisher #59

The true shark-jumping moment

"Changes”

Writer – Mike Baron

Penciler – Hugh Haynes

Inker – Jim Palmiotti

Letterer – Ken Lopez

Colorist – Marie Javins

Editor – Don Daley

Top Gun – Tom DeFalco

January 1992

There was a moment when Arthur Herbert “The Fonz” Fonzarelli was the coolest person on planet Earth.

Tough. Manly. Italian. Street but with a sensitive side that he’d break your balls if you mentioned to anyone. Fonzie pretty much defined the bad boy slick persona most of us wanted to be when growing up. He knew all the codes of manhood. He got all the women to love him with the snap of his fingers. He had an awesome catch phrase. He was the best part of Happy Days.

And then…it happened.

Fonzi made an unforgettable and fatal mistake.

He jumped the shark. As in with a motorcycle. He physically rode skis pulled by a motorcycle up a ramp and flew over a shark tank in an effort to prove how badass he was.

Like that, *snap* he was over. You don’t pull ludicrous stunts to prove you are cool. If you need to prove it, you aren’t.

It also had a dual connotation in that the show had created such a contrived and convoluted storyline that it shattered the bounds of credibility and had lost sight of its core audience. Wiki states this is usually a result of writers being unable to maintain a standard of quality indefinitely.

Punisher #59 would agree with that. The Final Days storyline was finally wrapping up and Frank Castle looked about ready to punch the clock one final time. He had escaped from prison but was gravely wounded by his old nemesis Jigsaw. As payment for scarring the killer’s face, Jigsaw has done the same to Castle. And now the Kingpin had found out Frank’s location and sent everything he had against him.

This is where we end this story arc and lay the groundwork for the next, and had they killed Frank here or even taken him off the grid for a bit, things might have worked out. Instead, they went a different route.

Very different. Crazy, even.

And not the good kind of crazy, either. Let’s fall face first into this one, as Mike Baron bows out the series and leaves a steaming pile for the next guy to deal with. But first a bit showing where on the grid we find ourselves.

This is our opening page: Frank being Frank and shooting guns as only Frank can. Behind him is the beautiful but skanky-looking Dr. Melinda Brewer, a plastic surgeon Frank has forced to quit being a junkie so she can fix his torn-up face. And on the other end of that rain of shells are a few bad guys sent by Kingpin.

Lap up the action, boys. There won’t be much here. We will allow Messrs. Haynes and Palmiotti some indulgences here with the next two page splash of violence, although you might want to clap your hands over your ears due to it having enough speed lines to break the sound barrier. The noise you hear might be your eardrums blowing.

Which is a shame as that might cause you to miss this burn on the following page. And I don’t mean the explosion.

Sniping aside, Frank hands over the wheel to our junkie/doctor, which shows he really is in no shape to do anything and won’t be for the rest of our issue. It’s enough stress to make you start doing drugs again…but we certainly hope not.

Now, the fat man that sent all those guys killed at the beginning of this issue and most of last isn’t in a very happy mood. He takes all of his frustration out on one Mr. Deems, who was apparently in charge of the band of killers. 

And by that, I mean he drops him down an air shaft to his death.

An event that is noted by a much more svelte Microchip hanging out in a building across the street. This story arc had ‘chip in the Kingpin’s clammy mitts back five issues ago, so I have no idea how he got free or lost all those pounds, but I’m glad he’s okay. He plays a bum in just a bit and affixes a transmitter to Mr. Tam’s car. Sure this will pay off later.

While all that transpires, Frank and Dr. Brewer arrive at her hidden lab. Before exiting the car and the rest of this issue, Frank has one final request of the good doctor…he wants her to “change” his face so people won’t recognize him. 

We’ll see how that little notion comes back to bite him in the end. 

Dr. Brewer struggles getting Frank into her makeshift ER / drug lab and tells him how she became a junkie hooker while shooting him up with morphine to ease his pain. Basically, she was working too many shifts and the drugs to keep her going were just sitting right there…

After bearing her soul to Frank, he laughs as if he’s in on Mike Barron’s joke. The Punisher is going to let a junkie perform operations on him to save his life and fix his torn-up face, which isn’t the REAL joke that’s coming. Dr. Brewer drops a hint here if you pay close attention.

Yeah, Frank you’re going to get it. And so are we as the audience.

Next, we get Frank dreaming of Maria, remembering saying goodbye to her before shipping out. As that scene fades to black, a much uglier scene occurs in the bargain basement operating room. Two thugs show up demanding drugs.

Shouldn’t Dr. Brewer change into something a little less skimpy to operate in? Just something I noticed.

The street toughs finally recognize that’s the Punisher under all those wounds but only one of them cares. The other is hurting for a fix so bad he physically threatens Dr. Brewer. She goes to get the morphine from under a table…

…and comes out with an automatic rifle, mowing down both of the mouthy punks.

Then she cries about it. Cause she’s a girl and stuff. Whatever.

After clearing the operating room of all the dead bodies…this is beginning to sound almost like a Frankenstein movie…she sets to work on Frank. Midway through she gets the shakes though...

…which leads to a scene of her opening a bottle of pills and then saying “No” and tossing them away. Frank, meanwhile is lost in his green morphine dreams, this time as Maria gets killed and he is chased by a giant Kingpin 30 feet tall and menaced by Jigsaw and other tough guys.

He awakes five days later with his face in bandages and Dr. Brewer standing over him. She said she kept him out to give the graft time to take. 

Frank impatiently asks her to remove the bandages only to discover...

 

And somewhere Fonzie flies over a great white while riding water skis and being pulled by a motorcycle.

Yes, they changed the Punisher into a black guy. I’m not saying anything more. We will talk about what just happened when we get to Punisher #60 and meet Frank’s special guest star.