Strange
Team-Ups
Deathblow
and Wolverine #2
A
Wolverine story
"untitled”
Writer – Aron Wiesenfeld
Breakdowns – Aron
Wiesenfeld
Finishes – Richard
Bennett
Letterer – Mike Heisler
Colorist – Monica
Bennett
Computer Colors – Bad
@ss
Design – Emilio Medina
Editor – Mike Heisler
February 1997
This
is a rather strange one, and not just because the Letterer is the Editor,
either.
It’s
strange because it is supposed to be a team up between that feisty ball of
marketing and claws, Wolverine…ole mister “best he is at what he does, and
what he does makes Marvel a bunch of money”…and the Wildstorm/Image character
Deathblow, a guy I know absolutely zero about.
And
after reading this entire book (twice), I still know absolutely ZERO about.
Because
Deathblow doesn’t show up in this issue. Oh, I mean yeah there are some panels
where he is drawn in frame, but he doesn’t DO anything to advance the plot or
make any difference in its outcome. He has the personality of a generic action
hero and he must have recounted his origin story in issue one, if the book even
gave him time for one.
Near
as I can tell from his bio on Wikipedia, Deathblow has a combo of Wolverine and
Punisher’s power sets: he regenerates, and he owns a lot of weapons that he’s
proficient in. He was part of Wildstorm’s ill-fated army Special Forces
division called Team 7, a happy little troop that was used by our government to
test exposure to the Gen Factor enhancement process developed by Miles Carven.
Everyone ended up with powers (or dead), but Michael Cray/Deathblow’s didn’t develop
until years later. Now he regenerates and he kills lots of bad people.
So
basically, Wolverine with guns.
In
truth, he’s not NEEDED here, as writer/breakdown guy Aron Wiesenfeld has
drummed up a tale that only needs Wolverine. Although the version of Wolverine
he is channeling for this tale is the same one Chris Claremont / Frank Miller
used in his self-titled mini-series back in 1982. You know, the mostly feral
one who only existed to be a loser at love and fight ninjas and shit. That is
exactly the one we get here.
Although
it doesn’t start out looking that way…
We
begin the book with this amazing double-page spread of Wolverine confronting
some odd grinning man in an oversized stove-pipe hat while Deathblow does what
he does for a majority of this book: stand around looking slightly
disinterested. For some story context, this is the apartment of Wolverine’s
girlfriend, who is missing of course, and it looks like the weirdo pictured
here has trashed the place. Since Wolverine has popped his claws I can only
assume things are about to get crunk up in this beotch.
Sorry,
that last bit was me trying to keep the Crapbox “hip” and “relevant” to today’s
audience. I swear I won’t try it again.
And
I don’t have to assume long, as Wolvie turns Asian Abe Lincoln into a Summer
Sausage tray in a display that has be check to see if the cover has a “Intended
for Mature Audiences” sticker.
Yee-ouch!
It’s no biggie as our ghoulish grinning guy turns up floating behind a VERY
oddly faced Logan and explains the plot of the book (for those of us who missed
issue one of this two-part thing). Logan is looking for his girlfriend who has
been stolen by someone. The gravity defying dude delivering this message is an
emissary of The Librarian, who wants to help Logan find her.
For
a price, of course.
Deathblow
must have missed last issue too and he speaks one of his half dozen lines,
asking what’s going on. Thanks for the assist DB.
And
Logan explains what his girlfriend has told him about The Librarian, an
ultrapowerful being that sounds magical enough to do his own dirty work.
To
find out the info they seek on Sung Li's whereabouts, they take a trip to see this Librarian
character. A trip where the mode of travel is “time tunnel distortion swirly.”
They
arrive in the middle of a massive library where dozens of faceless workers
scuttle about cleaning up ancient texts. Logan tries to make small talk…
…but
you can’t do that with people who don’t have mouths. Instead they meet the
Librarian, a floating spirit who rules this dimensional land of books. He has a
job for them, which he tells them in the form of a story.
Seems
there was once this race of flying Chinese supermen who were about to rule all
the Earth and then something bad happen to them and they all got stuck in a jar
before they could dominate all the human race. The supermen sealed their essences inside a jar to escape this horrible bad thing that was going to happen and
…yadda, yadda, yadda…evil cult to bring them back…yadda, yadda, yadda…Wolvie’s
girlfriend is the key to releasing their souls, whereby they will take over the
bodies of everyone in the city of San Fransisco and conquer the world.
So,
would you two help a all powerful and morally ambiguous mystical floating brother out by putting this Airwick…er, magical coin
thing on the jar holding their souls thereby saving humanity from being
enslaved while at the same time rescuing your girlfriend?
Also
stop acting like a dog, Logan!
So
of course our heroes say “yes, we get that the evil cult must be stopped and
it’s plain to see the Librarian’s only power is to take people’s faces away and
make them his eternal slaves…and…” wait, that’s actually pretty flipping
powerful. Why does he need help again?
Something,
something …the physical powers that guard the urn are way too powerful and we
need a reason for this comic to exist. Right! Got itl And with that The Librarian tells them
Logan’s girlfriend is in for a horrible fate if they don’t succeed aside from the fact that human
civilization will be destroyed and that convinces them. So he slips them the
green pine scented air wick that destroys jars of Chinese warrior souls and off
through the portal they are shoved backward.
They
end up back at Logan’s girlfriend’s apartment, where the runt pries open a
hidden weapon cache and tells Deathblow that he can blow if he wants to, which
earns him the reply of…
…and
with that Deathblow gets all gussied up in his “Gun-day” finest.
…and
they make off to take down the cult set on bringing back the superpowered
spirits of a hundred thousand dead conquerors. They reach the market and decide
to split up, because even just one of them is suspicious enough looking.
If
you don’t believe me, just watch these guys make the 300 lbs of trained killer
that is Deathblow out in about two seconds flat.
Not
that it matters, these guys seem to only be able to hit EVERYONE BUT Deathblow.
And as for the regenerating merc, he’s got some moves like I’ve never seen
before. No, seriously. What school of weapons training says kick your legs up
like Jane Fonda off the cover of her aerobics workout VHS cover, then roll over
on your nose like you’re breakdancing and end up shooting with your bottom half
twisted in the opposite direction? Because that is some training no one should learn.
Deathblow
lives up to the first part of his name by death "blowing" these guys away and then spends the rest of the book
walking around watching Logan gut, stab and pierce everyone else, mostly with
their own weapons.
Cray
comes up behind Wolvie and almost earns a face full of claws. Logan says he’s
discovered Sung Li’s scent and he takes off for the warehouse floor below. He
rounds the corner to find four bearers carrying an elder on their
shoulders…and he kills them all…then Deathblow shows up, but he’s a mystic
using magic to look like Deathblow, and Logan kills him too. More guys show up.
Wolvie kills them. Some of the battle sequences are neat, but ultimately we are
just wasting pagecount. There’s no real danger here for either of these guys.
Finally,
Logan finds the jar and Deathblow. They battle ninjas for a bit and then Wolvie
applies the air freshener…and everyone can breath easy again!
And
as the smoke clears, Sung Li appears looking a little bit cockeyed. The trio
head back to her apartment after a long day of ninja killing and world saving.
Logan
and Cray part ways, back to their respective universes. Before they do though,
Logan mentions that Sung is taking her whole “captive by evil ninjas bent on
world domination because I’m some kind of mystical high priestess reincarnated”
thing pretty much in stride.
Then
he goes back up to Sung and catches her with her closet door open. Hanging
there is the robe the Librarian wore. Sung quickly covers it up.
But
it’s too late! Logan has seen it. He knows she is the Librarian…which implies
a BUNCH of other stuff too, but the only thing Logan is upset about is that she
lied to him.
Wait,
wait, wait! She actually loves him? I mean, if she is the Librarian, then she
is an eternal being that has the power to take men’s faces and force them to
live as slaves just for seeking her out, yet it is Logan she loves? Uh…
I
have a problem with this story development. On many, many levels. And as the
all-powerful, cosmic-level mystic crumples to the floor of her San Francisco
loft to sob over her lost man, I feel this isn’t what would happen at all. I
mean Logan might mean as much as a pet to someone like the Librarian. Even with
his long life, he wouldn’t come near her lifespan. Not to mention she would
have been setting up his part in this for a long time and basically lying to
him at every turn. It would have been better had Logan’s finding out been shown
as part of her plan, almost like a way of letting him off easy, but that wouldn’t give these scenes of him driving across
the Golden Gate bridge the same sense of smug superiority.
With
those panels wrapping this thing up, I have to say that I’m quite disappointed
with this one on a story level. The art has some very neat sequences, but this
book feels like a Wolverine venture that gives Deathblow nothing to do. Because
of that I have to take quite a few points off.
True
we get what I believe is a new “heavy” character in the Librarian, which is
something cross company team-up books DON’T do. They typically don’t bring out
new characters, as it muddies the water as to who owns that character. And why
waste an original character or villain on a book that may never get a sequel?
That’s like throwing that character away, in a sense. No, these books are usually very "take a villain from hero A and a villain from hero B and have them team up against the heroes."
But
even with that bit of bold casting and art that is above the average bar, I found
it over too quick and not of lasting impact, with no good “character moments”
between our two heroes. Better luck next time, guys.
You beat me to ANOTHER Longbox Junk entry! Great review and completely spot on.
ReplyDeleteI like Deathblow enough to have just about everything he's shown up in and this team-up is definitely NOT his finest moment (but it is absolutely not his worst by a long shot). I think maybe the writer just wasn't really familiar enough with the character. . .probably about the same as you and 80% of the comic reading world. . . to have him do much.
It was just a strange idea to have the most popular character in the world teaming up with someone as obscure as Deathblow. But then again, Deathblow also teamed up with Batman, so there's that.